Sometimes i wonder if its worth living at all.
My life lately has been revolving around my work. Whilst it is challenging it seems to be eating up a lot of my time, sapping my energy in d process. I'm spending more and more hours there at work which doesnt really leave me a lot of time to do anything else. My social life has become practically non existant, my recreation limited to d weekend runs on my bike or d one volleyball session i manage to cram in a week..... Having been a guy who used to enjoy being active in a whole lot of different activities on a weekly basis its starting to get to me this feeling of living only for work.
I feel as if i've fallen into a routine; a routine which has taken over my very existance and dat somehow i just cant break free. At times it feels as if i'm just existing ....and not living. I've had to sacrifice a lot to get to where i am now in life and looking back i often find myself asking ,"Is it worth it?" Is this realy wat i wanted ? To be so career focused that everything else becomes second rate ? Even possibly insignificant ? Giving up quality time with my family, giving up martial arts, giving up my friends, hell i even had to choose between someone i really cared about and my career ! I once read that its lonely on d way to the top....heck if thats true and i havent even really begun climbing the corporate ladder then i dont really wanna think about wats it like at d top !
D only time i'm fee;ling as if i'm alive is when i'm going flat out on my bike. My mate Nick said that though i'm a really good rider i've started taking unneccessary risks and perhaps am getting a bit too cocky on d bike. Whilst i trust his judgement seeing as he's one of d best riders on d island, i've started to think that perhaps d reason i am subconsciously taking all these risks is to get that adrenaline rush that only comes with laying ur life on d line. I know this may sound really foolhardy and idiotic....and it probably is but right now its d only thing dats getting my heart beatng faster. Hehe ..well that and a certain someone... someone who probably doesnt even realise d effect she has one me ;)
I dont want anyone reading this thinking i have a deathwish or something.... but its just that sometimes its dat little bit of excitement which keeps us going when everything seems so dark. Everyone has them ... these little vices they look forward to...like dat cigarette smoked in between coffee breaks, or the alcohol binge in d weekend....or d drugs injected in their bodies... Me ? i dont smoke, i dont drink, ...at least not toooo much ;), and i dont do drugs....
My addiction ? Its speed...and laying my life on d line ...its an addiction which shows no sign of abetting...
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